Yeah right, "there really isn't that much to do with this great old house, just a few things here or there"...HAH! Seriously, I can't believe how much there is to do and how much time and energy this is all taking...luckily, I am so excited for the final product that I am not getting too down about it. If it is ever finished, I will post some pics.
On the fertility front, I am waiting for my cycle to start...should be around the 3rd. I did email my RE's office about stim meds vs clomid and they gave me the go ahead if my cyst is gone, but it costs about 4x as much - ugh. J and I need to discuss.
Will update more soon I hope, am off to purchase front porch lights for the house...the excitement continues!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Away From the Edge & Back Again
Warning...potentially long and rambling post ahead!
I hope that what I am about to say comes across right...if it doesn't, please know that I meant it to. My failed IUI followed by cyst was ridiculously hard on me - I am not sure why, but it depressed me more than anything has yet. I don't know if it is because I truly believed it would work or what, but it left me in bad shape. However, then I think about the girls out there that have just had the umpteenth IVF cycle fail and I start to wonder where I get off being so depressed about a measly IUI...anyway, it leads to all sorts of crazy feelings for me. Since there is no IUI for me this month, we did it the old fashioned way (with the addition of Mucinex as we both seem to be a bit "thick" in the mucus dept.). I got my LH surge on Wednesday at 8am - I had decided that this month we would try the SMEP so we will see what happens.
I also have a question for all of you out there. I know that Clomid works for many, but reading through blogs it sure seems as though injectables lead to more +'s? Any thoughts on this? Has anyone moved from IUI to IVF after injectables caused too many eggs to be produced? I am just looking for options. My acupuncturist is anti-clomid and she has got me thinking....
Finally, on the my rambling thoughts of the day. What many might not know about me is that I barely escaped the white trash gene that runs in my family - and although it does come out once in a while, I have managed to keep it fairly well suppressed for most of my life. My mother and father divorced when I was two and this seems to be what saved me. I love my dad, but he is a strange and selfish man. After the divorce, he married a women 10 years his junior and they proceeded to have three children (interesting because he would later tell me that having children was one of his biggest mistakes - huh?) Anyway, my two half brothers and sister are just a bit off...and my little sister (19) just had a baby this summer. The father is 16 and they now live with my stepmother (she and my father also divorced about two years ago). This pregnancy was very hard on me and I was unable to go to her shower but did buy her a very nice stroller to which she never thanked me for. I heard through the family grapevine that she had given birth to a healthy boy but never heard from her. Now about six months later she emails me to see if I have a myspace account because she has posted pics of her son...big mistake for me to look...first of all it is posted that she and her soon to be husband are open to new ideas and new people and are willing to try most anything...then it goes on to show pictures of her myspace friends, many who are under 21 - visibly pregnant, partying and smoking....GRRR...it really pissed me off!
So, here I am, 31, followed all the rules, drinking green tea and this is my luck....pity party here I come!
On a lighter note, it took my mom almost 9 years to get pregnant and the month she did she was eating copious amounts of Knox Gelatin based on the recommendation of the school secretary...she has told me this for years and I always secretly rolled my eyes...well, guess what I have been eating a lot of lately? You guessed it, I mean, it can't hurt right?
I hope that what I am about to say comes across right...if it doesn't, please know that I meant it to. My failed IUI followed by cyst was ridiculously hard on me - I am not sure why, but it depressed me more than anything has yet. I don't know if it is because I truly believed it would work or what, but it left me in bad shape. However, then I think about the girls out there that have just had the umpteenth IVF cycle fail and I start to wonder where I get off being so depressed about a measly IUI...anyway, it leads to all sorts of crazy feelings for me. Since there is no IUI for me this month, we did it the old fashioned way (with the addition of Mucinex as we both seem to be a bit "thick" in the mucus dept.). I got my LH surge on Wednesday at 8am - I had decided that this month we would try the SMEP so we will see what happens.
I also have a question for all of you out there. I know that Clomid works for many, but reading through blogs it sure seems as though injectables lead to more +'s? Any thoughts on this? Has anyone moved from IUI to IVF after injectables caused too many eggs to be produced? I am just looking for options. My acupuncturist is anti-clomid and she has got me thinking....
Finally, on the my rambling thoughts of the day. What many might not know about me is that I barely escaped the white trash gene that runs in my family - and although it does come out once in a while, I have managed to keep it fairly well suppressed for most of my life. My mother and father divorced when I was two and this seems to be what saved me. I love my dad, but he is a strange and selfish man. After the divorce, he married a women 10 years his junior and they proceeded to have three children (interesting because he would later tell me that having children was one of his biggest mistakes - huh?) Anyway, my two half brothers and sister are just a bit off...and my little sister (19) just had a baby this summer. The father is 16 and they now live with my stepmother (she and my father also divorced about two years ago). This pregnancy was very hard on me and I was unable to go to her shower but did buy her a very nice stroller to which she never thanked me for. I heard through the family grapevine that she had given birth to a healthy boy but never heard from her. Now about six months later she emails me to see if I have a myspace account because she has posted pics of her son...big mistake for me to look...first of all it is posted that she and her soon to be husband are open to new ideas and new people and are willing to try most anything...then it goes on to show pictures of her myspace friends, many who are under 21 - visibly pregnant, partying and smoking....GRRR...it really pissed me off!
So, here I am, 31, followed all the rules, drinking green tea and this is my luck....pity party here I come!
On a lighter note, it took my mom almost 9 years to get pregnant and the month she did she was eating copious amounts of Knox Gelatin based on the recommendation of the school secretary...she has told me this for years and I always secretly rolled my eyes...well, guess what I have been eating a lot of lately? You guessed it, I mean, it can't hurt right?
Monday, January 8, 2007
Cyst Anyone?
Well, it's over...my cycle started Friday night. Then I got to start out my week with the wonderful news that I have a cyst from the f*cking Clomid and will be sitting out this month and presumably more if the sucker doesn't go away. I am now determined to give it everything I've got and get pregnant again on my own this month. I really love my clinic, but today just makes me want to scream, "I will do this on my own, I don't need or want your help!" only not quite that polite :) This is so frustrating and my emotions are all over the place...sitting out a cycle makes me feel desperate and the desperation makes me burst into tears...it is a vicious cycle.
Do any of you know if injectables can cause cysts like Clomid can? I would really like to try something different if I can...any advice would be greatly appreciated...I am getting ready to script an email to my RE now...
Also, if you have any inspiring (& nauseating) stories of women with cysts who got pregnant on a break cycle, I would love to hear them...thanks for listening!
Do any of you know if injectables can cause cysts like Clomid can? I would really like to try something different if I can...any advice would be greatly appreciated...I am getting ready to script an email to my RE now...
Also, if you have any inspiring (& nauseating) stories of women with cysts who got pregnant on a break cycle, I would love to hear them...thanks for listening!
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Blech!
This is how I feel today. CD 30, no cycle, no BFP, wtf? I don't feel pregnant, although I really did feel pregnant during the 2ww, crazy symptoms...so, now I really don't know what to think.
Did Clomid lengthen any of your cycles?
Did Clomid lengthen any of your cycles?
Friday, December 22, 2006
All I Want for Christmas is a BFP!
I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed. I am home for the holidays without much of a chance to get online, but wanted to wish everyone well!!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
A Bit More Emotional Than Originally Thought and an IUI Update
So as it turns out I think the Clomid might have messed with me more than I thought. J and I were out to dinner last week and started discussing religion. I am working on figuring out what I really believe and J was raised pretty much agnostic. So, the conversation turns to how we would want to raise our children and before I know it, we are on the verge of fighting over how we should raise our children (from a religious stance) that we don't even have yet. I thought I would try to end the fight before it started, but my choice of words made it much much worse.
It went something like this:
Me: This is silly, we shouldn't be arguing about this now...if I ever give birth to a live child, then we can talk (now where did this phrase come from? I am blaming the Clomid!)
J: That is a great attitude, and most disgusting thing I have ever heard you say...why are we even bothering with this IUI?
Me: Start crying and have to go to the bathroom.
Yikes, we really don't fight like this, so it was a bit of a surprise for sure - continued fighting and I couldn't really get it together and ended up screaming at him to just get away from me...he left the apartment for a bit and I sat down and cried...anyway, when he came back we were able to hash out where each of us were coming from - but the truth is I really don't think this fight would have happened without me being hyper emotional...
ANYWAY...moving on.
I finished the Clomid on Thursday and had negative OPK's through the weekend. On Monday morning I had my LH tested and an ultrasound. I had two good sized follies (2.1 & 2.5 at my clinic) and two on the small side (1.3 and 1.6) We got the instructions for the HCG shot and the plan was to have the shot Monday night at 8:45pm and then IUI on Wednesday at 8:15am. I got a call around 3pm and found out my LH was surging, I guess the blood test is much more accurate. So...HCG shot got moved up to 5:30pm and IUI was this morning. We had to wait a while to get in, but man they do it fast once you get started! J put up some impressive numbers (190 million, 97% motile and a 3+ for morphology I think) we did the IUI and I headed to work. I really wanted to come home and lay down, but it was not to be! We are to follow up with intercourse tomorrow morning and then the dreaded 2ww begins. At least I have the holidays to keep me busy!
It went something like this:
Me: This is silly, we shouldn't be arguing about this now...if I ever give birth to a live child, then we can talk (now where did this phrase come from? I am blaming the Clomid!)
J: That is a great attitude, and most disgusting thing I have ever heard you say...why are we even bothering with this IUI?
Me: Start crying and have to go to the bathroom.
Yikes, we really don't fight like this, so it was a bit of a surprise for sure - continued fighting and I couldn't really get it together and ended up screaming at him to just get away from me...he left the apartment for a bit and I sat down and cried...anyway, when he came back we were able to hash out where each of us were coming from - but the truth is I really don't think this fight would have happened without me being hyper emotional...
ANYWAY...moving on.
I finished the Clomid on Thursday and had negative OPK's through the weekend. On Monday morning I had my LH tested and an ultrasound. I had two good sized follies (2.1 & 2.5 at my clinic) and two on the small side (1.3 and 1.6) We got the instructions for the HCG shot and the plan was to have the shot Monday night at 8:45pm and then IUI on Wednesday at 8:15am. I got a call around 3pm and found out my LH was surging, I guess the blood test is much more accurate. So...HCG shot got moved up to 5:30pm and IUI was this morning. We had to wait a while to get in, but man they do it fast once you get started! J put up some impressive numbers (190 million, 97% motile and a 3+ for morphology I think) we did the IUI and I headed to work. I really wanted to come home and lay down, but it was not to be! We are to follow up with intercourse tomorrow morning and then the dreaded 2ww begins. At least I have the holidays to keep me busy!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Clomid & The Importance of Fluoride
Today was my last day of Clomid, CD9 (or 10) if you count my stupid cycle starting in the grey zone. Because of this, I am going to start my OPK today.
It is really strange, I had all these ideas of what taking Clomid would be like, that I would feel something happening inside...but other than crying A LOT, there is not much else to report.
I am scheduled for an ultrasound on 12/18 to see what IS happening, unless of course I get an LH surge before that...I am nervous that I am going to miss the surge! What time is best to test...I have heard it all??
AND, yesterday I got the joy of writing my dentist a check for $2,100! You see, I grew up on well water before it was fluorinated and therefor have really f'cked up teeth. They are really straight and really white and REALLY full of cavities! I finally had to bite the bullet and get two ceramic inlays ($$$) and then two minor (new) cavities filled. I also am supposed to start using Rx toothpaste which is ridiculously expensive - between that and my vitamins, and my husbands vitamins (RE has him on Vitamins E & C, a multi and co enzyme Q-10) it adds up FAST!
It is really strange, I had all these ideas of what taking Clomid would be like, that I would feel something happening inside...but other than crying A LOT, there is not much else to report.
I am scheduled for an ultrasound on 12/18 to see what IS happening, unless of course I get an LH surge before that...I am nervous that I am going to miss the surge! What time is best to test...I have heard it all??
AND, yesterday I got the joy of writing my dentist a check for $2,100! You see, I grew up on well water before it was fluorinated and therefor have really f'cked up teeth. They are really straight and really white and REALLY full of cavities! I finally had to bite the bullet and get two ceramic inlays ($$$) and then two minor (new) cavities filled. I also am supposed to start using Rx toothpaste which is ridiculously expensive - between that and my vitamins, and my husbands vitamins (RE has him on Vitamins E & C, a multi and co enzyme Q-10) it adds up FAST!
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