Sunday, September 23, 2007

What's Next?

I really don't know and I really hate this. Part of me wants to dive into IVF in December, another part of me never wants to try it. I am scared to death it won't work and I am scared it will work and then something will go wrong.

The truth is, I am not sure that I will be able to blog about whatever we decide. I love to check in with you all but for some reason I am feeling blog shy...I don't know why, but it is a strange and overwhelming feeling.

I promise to let you know what we decide, and maybe my craziness will subside...but in the meantime, I wish you well and I will pray for positives.

I always loved the song I Believe in You by Don Williams...I never really listened to all of the lyrics until today and while a few of them are a bit strange, I will leave you with this for now...

"I believe in love, I believe in babies.... I believe in mom and dad and I believe in you!"

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Beta sucked. I hate this shit. It is funny, I knew the second I was pregnant and again the second I wasn' never gets any easier. Off for a good cry and then to write a paper on the birth I assisted with the other

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


So, today is CD 29, yesterday I missed my period. I tested on Sunday, I tested on Monday and today, the digital said pregnant. Of course I couldn't leave well enough alone and tested again this afternoon...NOT pregnant. I am off to my RE's office tomorrow am for an hCG. Of course I have so much hope, unfortunately I have no symptoms.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


I really can't believe it is September...there is a chill in the air tonight and while I am thrilled to have the hot summer behind us, I am just overwhelmed by how quickly time goes by. I will be 32 in November which feels very old to me - 31 has been a breeze, but adding that extra number just feels odd, aren't 32 year-olds ancient? I don't feel ancient, I still feel 27! Ah well, not much I can do to avoid it...but still!

The last few months have been filled with ups and downs. Nursing school is incredible, I am learning an amazing amount and also discovering what I want to specialize in after graduation. I actually met a nurse the other day who had worked at my fertility clinic, we had a very interesting conversation about the clinic and how she felt about working there. I found it very interesting, that even after knowing I was a patient, she said that it was a challenging job because every patient is "just a little bit crazy." NO SHIT! I will say, beside that comment, she actually was very helpful and insightful about the clinic and the process. Oh, and did I forget to mention that starting last Monday I began my 5 wk OB rotation for school...I can honestly barely handle the lecture and am actually scared and feeling somewhat phyically ill about my first clinical day on Thursday - my first assignment, L & D!!!

In the blur of nursing school I have not been able to be the perfect eater/exerciser/nondrinker that I set out to be...I have not idea what I weigh and have not been on my vitamins regularly. I am trying to keep my act together, but am only succeeding about 50% of the time.

We tried again in early August. I actually purchased the conception kit and we give it a whirl - unfortunately it didn't work and I actually started my period 2 days early...ugh. I am really not sure how I feel about it...the idea is ingenious, but when you really dig into the packaging, I feel kike you could get 90% of the supplies from your local T*rget. Also, attempting to place the cervical cap (or whatever they call it) over the cervix while it is filled with sperm is NO easy task! I think I ovulated sometime last week but missed it with the predictor kit, we went ahead and had plain old intercourse around what we hoped was the approximate timing, but I am sure it will be a bust as we didn't even have the chance to use Mucin*x. I have two more months of conception kit supplies, just not sure if we will give them another go or not...

Finally, we have been going back and forth about whether or not to try and do IVF in December. I have to contact our IVF nurse to speak about scheduling and whether or not it will work with my school schedule. If we decide to wait, I will have IVF in April/May08 unless we get lucky trying naturally!

Not much else is happening here except for everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) I know is either pregnant or have decided to start trying....trying not to think about it too much but devastated every time I do.

I know there has been some really great news and some really tough news out there in thinking of you always and hoping all the best for you!

More as life develops.....

Oh, if you want to check out the conception kit, look here: